why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
