why didn't you poke me back
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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