It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
