I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
