its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
