I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ladies don't puke and tell
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
