I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am one with the molecules
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
