I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
