just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
