i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My cat gives me a boner
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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