sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Someone came in the potted fern
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
