Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
