great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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