tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
