I looked at my own cervix.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
