I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
