Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My life is pants optional.
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