Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
