those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
