So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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