I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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