someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
