Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
