it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
