its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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