I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
