can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
