16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
