I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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