Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Someone signed my nipple.
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