so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
