I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
