I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
