He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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