woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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