Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize