i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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