I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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