You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
