he puts the penis in happiness.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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