quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
