Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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