I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
