What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
