Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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