All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just found puke in my bra..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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