but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
