I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
