i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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