I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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