I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
