we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
