Little spoons don't ask big questions
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
