so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
