I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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