so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
