i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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