Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
