I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize