the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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