Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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