Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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