I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You ruined the universe
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
