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I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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