I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
