we're blogging at a bar
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
