OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
