I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
