I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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