my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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