Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
