It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
