A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My bed smells like the plague
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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