So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
