You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
