so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
