tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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