As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
