we have pet lesbian snakes
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
