You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
