get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
