why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I want to walk on stilts...naked
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
