god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
