I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
