He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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