i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
