hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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